After not getting much sleep the night before, I was looking forward to some rest as I flew out of Copenhagen yesterday. As usual, however, I was surrounded by more screaming children than Michael Jackson. Behind me they fed a young child stinking salami, then it continued to scream and howl so close to me that it felt as if it was inside my head. Its parents had obviously trained it to kick the back of my seat, and it did this simultaneously while it screeched for the entire trip.

Chris was recently telling me about the number of people killed by blue ice, which is basically the toilet waste from aeroplanes which sometimes freezes into a big lump as it drops towards land. When I was cycling in Holland a year or two ago, everyone stopped and laughed at my cycle helmet. I'm not talking about the occasional smirk, I mean, old ladies were falling over laughing in the street pointing at me - I don't know why, it must be a Dutch thing. So as we were now flying over Holland, I decided to take a break from the convulsing child behind me, visit the toilet, and try a little bombing in the form of retaliation. Now they'll wish they were wearing helmets.